The Art of Being Found

CC image courtesy of puuikibeach on Flickr

In someways, becoming a stepmom is a journey into lostness. It is often an unmarked, uncelebrated transition. This is especially true if you and your partner are not married but move in together. It can feel like suddenly being thrown into the deep end of someone else's life and being forced to swim. It is confusing and the boundaries are unmarked. Even when your relationship with your partner is great, there is still this feeling of being unsettled and between things.

When this happens, you have to engage in the art of being found. When the question who am I yields no results, you have to focus on the more powerful question of who do I want to be.

Clarity makes magic happen. When we get clear about what we want and who we want to be, we unlock the doors of opportunity. Magic begins to flow into our lives. The life that was lost comes back.

Take sometime today and reflect on who you want to be. What do you want your life to look like? Your home? Your work? Your relationship? Your family? Your health? What means success and happiness to you? Look at all areas of your life.

Today, give yourself permission to dream and imagine what your life could be like. Who knows? Some of it might just come to pass!

The Art of Being Lost

CC image courtesy of i_yudai on Flickr.

When I was younger, I was angsty. Like most young people out in the world, I believed there was art to be lost, sad, and frustrated with the world around me. It was fun to sit and brood in my ... lostness.

Throughout my life, at major transitions, I have often found myself in this state of lostness without really wanting it. When my dad died, when I was laid off from my job ... these major transitions always seemed to bring on that feeling of being between things. I was no longer the person I was, but not yet the person I was about to become. It was like my life had not caught up with who or where I was now. It was an uncomfortable stalemate.

When you are a stepmom, it is easy to get lost. There are constant demands and constant expectations that take you away from where you are and thrust you in a different direction. We become lost in a city of other people's expectations. We lose our roadmap. We become tourists in our own lives.

If this is the way you feel today, indulge. Savor the feeling of being lost. Accept where you are. And when you are ready explore where you have been.

Exercise:
You may want to start a journal and ask yourself what were you passionate about when you were 5-10, 15-20, 25-30, 35-40, etc.

1. What did you like to do?
2. Who were your friends? Why were they your friends?
3. What did you believe in? Why did you believe in it?
4. What sort of music did you like?  
5. What movies did you like?  

As you chart your interests, look for transitions and turning points in your life.

Remembering where you have been, can be a help unlock hidden passions and desires. It is also an honoring of yourself and all you have been through. It is a key to finding yourself again.